Nugget One: Don't leave your spouse for the few mistakes they've made, but stay with them because of all the good things they've done. Create a list of all the good things your spouse has done. Every time you think of all the bad they have done to you, pull out your good list and think on these things rather than the hurt that was done.
Nugget Two: The word spouse derives from the word “house,” which can be translated to house-mate. Your spouse is your mate for life to help you build a household and manage a family. A house divided will not be able to stand, the same applies to a marriage, a marriage divided will not be able to stand. Marriage is always a work in progress. People change through the years and so will your marriage. There are seasons in marriage just like there are seasons throughout the year. If you learn how to dress and prepare for each season, you will be able to get through it with ease. Why put on a winter coat in the summer, or wear shorts in the winter...the same applies to your marriage. Recognize each season by understanding your spouse and helping them get through the changes they may be experiencing. Marriages that lasts a life-time experience turbulence, ups and downs, pains and sorrows of many kinds that can be weathered through much love and a lot of communication. Don’t expect your spouse to stay the same. They will go through times in their life when they ask themselves if they should continue on with the relationship, they will go through mid-life crises that will take a lot of communication and love to help nurture them through these critical times. If you help them through this process, their love for you will become even stronger and they will be able to trust their heart in your hands.
Nugget Three: Ending a marriage without understanding what part you played in the marriage, opens you up to repeating the same issues with another person. Why go through all of this again with another person, when you can get through it with the person you already know. Choosing a third party who wrecked your marriage will be a drastic mistake...think about it, why would you be in a relationship with a person you’ve taught how to cheat. If they can’t respect your union, they will never be able to respect your relationship as a couple. Third parties never make things better; rather they tear things apart and cause more confusion. It’s just not worth it.
Nugget Four: Love the one you’re with. Being in love with your mate is one of the most rewarding experiences God can give us. To be in a loving covenant with a person, allows you to express your intimate love, closeness, bond and union in the most affectionate way two people can become one, through love making. There is a big difference from having sex and making love to your spouse. This is a gift given from God which allows two people to become one flesh. The Bible says the marriage bed is un-defiled which means, there should not be any third parties or things involved, while making love to your spouse, that includes pornography, a third person or the thought of a third person.
Nugget Five: Just because you see a man and woman walking together doesn't mean they're a couple. They could be brother and sister. Make sure you only report facts about what you saw and not what you think you saw. Many marriages struggle because of outside interferences reporting wrong or false information. When unsure about something, it's better not to say anything at all than to be the one who caused something negative to happen in a person's marriage. Keep third party information out of your marriage. If it's not facts, don't entertain it.
Nugget Six: No one should know your spouse better than you. Make your best investments with your mate because you are the one who has to live with them. When this is done properly, your marriage will get through financial crises smoother because your spouse is more important than other investments that never outlast marriages anyway.
Nugget Seven: Never use the "D" word (divorce) as a threat when angry. Divorce is the legal breakup of a marriage. Like every major life change, divorce is stressful. It affects finances, living arrangements, household jobs, schedules, and more. If the family includes children, they may be deeply affected. The ending results of a divorce could last longer with years of stress, not to mention health problems stress may cause, financial troubles and many more problems than working out a few bumpy roads in your marriage that usually works itself out anyway over time. Once you understand the dangers and stress divorce might bring, you won't be so quick to throw the "D" word around or use it. Besides, divorce never permanently end things, there will always be an attachment of some sort, especially emotionally that you will have to deal with, regardless of who might have been at fault.
Nugget Eight: When you begin to pick on everything wrong your spouse is doing, you're looking at them in the flesh instead of how God sees them. When you see them the way God does, you will always see potential rather than failures. Make sure you're your spouse's biggest fan. No one should honor or praise them greater than you. This will make your spouse want to do more to please you because everyone loves to be encouraged and enjoys a pat on the back sometimes.
Nugget Nine: Don't change partners, change you. Your problem may not be a marital problem; it may be a people problem. There are going to be times when you disagree. Learn how to agree to disagree without causing permanent damage to your marriage. If you cannot handle disagreements with wisdom, love and maturity; chances are you're going to make the same mistake with a new partner.
Nugget Ten: Love your way through it. Love covers a multitude of sins. Nothing is unforgivable. Don't demand perfection from your spouse. To do so means you are perfect at everything you do and we all know that's a goal no one is able to make.
Nugget Eleven: In today’s society there are more parents than children, due to multiple divorces. It takes a special gift to love someone else’s child. Step-parenting can be one of the most difficult challenges in a marriage. If you think you’re unable to love your mate’s child, be honest with yourself and don’t attempt to force yourself to do something you’re not capable of doing. It’s better not to marry at all then to go through hardships of parenting when your heart isn’t in it. On the other hand, step-parenting can be very rewarding. Remember, it’s not the child’s fault…they have been forced to be in certain situations beyond their control. Understanding their feelings and what they may be going through will help you form a bond of your own with them. Never attempt to replace a parent or turn a child against another parent, this will always backfire and will not make the child love you more or love the other parent any less. This destructive technique never does anyone any good, in fact, it just makes things worse. Just do your best, through love and understanding so you can coach them through life’s battles and help them achieve all God has for them. Some children require more parents to help them along the way and God chose you because your gift is necessary to help the child succeed. If you can maintain a blended family, you can maintain a business/ministry for effectively. Step-parenting is worth the blessings.
Nugget Twelve: Love, love and love some more. Love your marriage back to wholeness.
Video on How to Survive a
Struggling Marriage Part One
Video on How to Survive a
Struggling Marriage Part Two